Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
