it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Holy sore nipples Batman
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
