You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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