You smell like stripper and shame
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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