So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
