We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
