he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
