Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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