I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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