so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
