after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Terrible idea I love it
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
