1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
