Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
