South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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