Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
