be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
