508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
