I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
