I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
