Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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