all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
