i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
