You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
