Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
