Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
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Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
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Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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