i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
