I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
