Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
