Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Someone came in the potted fern
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
