And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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