One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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