My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
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