and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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