i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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