talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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