so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
There are leaves in my underwear?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
