Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Bang-toberfest begins!!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
