Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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