I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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