I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
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