I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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