forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
