i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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