Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
