Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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