So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
