Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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