He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
