He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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