like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
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