I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize