My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
