So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
