a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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