Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I need water and some morals
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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