3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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