My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
