i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
