I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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