god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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