Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
