do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
