all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
