Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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