pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
