you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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