I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
