Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
